Don’t Read This Post With Food In Your Mouth — Guaranteed Laughfest Ahead.

So the blogworld is pretty badass. It’s allowed me to “meet” so many people within the past two weeks that I never would have otherwise.  You non-bloggers probably think it’s weird, but seriously, don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

Anyway, I somehow stumbled across this blog called “Haughty By Nature” and the posts on there are some of the funniest I have ever read. Ensley is the genius behind this blog, and I’m oh-so-happy that we’ve crossed paths. I’m pretty sure she’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever “met” (aaaaand, she’s also a Charlottean!)

Anywho, Ensley recently posted a mishmash of comedic genius on her blog  and I nearly died with laughter when I read it. So I’ve decided that my good deed for the day is going to be providing you with these same good laughs.

So sit back, swallow and clear your mouth of any food-like substances and scroll down to read and enjoy the following “21st Century Truths.” Oh, and it’s okay to read the list over and over again and to share it with your friends. I’m guilty of that… and I still almost pee my pants every. single. time.

“21st Century Truths”

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. (Note: This happens to me all. the. time!)
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. (Note: SO TRUE!)
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

So, tell me… did any of these make you laugh?

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27 Comments

Filed under a good laugh

27 responses to “Don’t Read This Post With Food In Your Mouth — Guaranteed Laughfest Ahead.

  1. Mapquest should start on number 5. If you can’t get out of your own neighborhood, maybe you shouldn’t go.

    I have a lot of stories that I think are pretty good…what does that say about the sheer volume of my bad decisions.

    By the way, keep leaving the house confident and looking good…it’ll pay off someday.

    http://timkeen40.wordpress.com

    Another by the way…

    A folded fitted sheet is called a ‘”wad”.

    Tim

    • A “wad” huh?? Ya learn something new every day!

      And I agree… Mapquest should definitely start on number 5. If I have trouble leaving my own driveway…. I prooobably shouldn’t attempt to drive anywhere.

  2. I LOVE this list… so much that it was on my blog several months ago 😀

    I followed you here after you found me on twitter… I am loving your blog!! and you are SO right, the blog world is an awesome thing!

    thanks for reminding me of this list, it never gets old!!

  3. Katherine: Unemployed

    also, no reading while drinking. liquids out the nose is a bad thing

  4. Ha! I’ve seen this, and it is definitely funny. I look for funny stuff everyday—it just lightens up all the serious stuff!

  5. Ha! I really like the one about kisses beginning with Miller Lite instead of Kay! Oh, and the whole learning cursive thing. I totally write in some weird cursive-regular blend. 🙂 Yeah you should try the green pancakes! They were pretty yummy.

    • I write in my own crazy blend of handwriting, too! I think I got it from my mom, though… we both tend to write in chicken scratch. BUT! I am SUPER, super good at reading most anyone’s handwriting. I can decipher pretty much anything thanks to my mom, ha!

  6. Oh my goodness, I have at some point said or thought almost every one of these! This is all SO true!! Thanks for the laughs, girl!

    And I hear ya, I am so happy to be part of the blog world and getting to meet fun people (like you!) 🙂

  7. Omg – this list is hysterical. I particularly love #20 (avoiding ghetto = key consideration) and #30 – cyclists scare me as both a driver and a pedestrian.

    • I know, the ghetto one is one of my favs… as is the one describing the feeling of death the moment right before your chair tips over and you fall–KILLS ME! I can’t even count how many times I’ve done that. Probably because I’ve hit my head each time (kidding. except not….)

  8. OMG these are great 🙂 Thanks for the laugh!

  9. I nodded and smiled through that entire list. So true, so funny 🙂

  10. Rhonda

    I love funny truisms! These are great! 🙂

  11. Loved this. I totally do the groceries thing and the not washing stuff that is dry clean only. LOL

    Also, sarcasm font = NEED!

  12. love4healthylife

    I love the mapquest one lol! They are funny.

  13. HOLY MOLY. i need to share this. with. everybody.

  14. THESE ARE SO FUNNY! I even read them outloud to my husband. I had trouble speaking at times I was laughing so hard. But he’s a cyclist..so he didn’t find *all* of them that funny 😉

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