This is Ryan hijacking the lady friend’s blog.
No need to panic – everyone remain calm. We’ll get through this together as long as we set some expectations.
1. Do not expect a series of exclamation marks under any circumstances. An exclamation mark expresses a flexible amount of enthusiasm, so use your best judgment to differentiate.
2. No use of “girlie,” “chica” or other female slang.
3. No mentions of a TI-83 calculator, science or anything that could be interpreted as science.
4. Do not expect a 4,500-word post. It’s for the best…
5. Do expect a higher tolerance for meat and a potential for blogging under the influence of meat-like substances.
OK, let’s begin.
Anyway, I thought it could be fun compiling a short list of people that I imagine Happy would take after. Hope you enjoy.
Adam Richman (better known as Man vs. Food guy)
She’s eating a cobweb on the back porch as I’m writing this. Like most dogs, Happy’s sense of taste is immune to what most humans would consider earth scum.
Happy is like Adam Richman when it comes to speed and endurance eating. This sometimes leads to her yacking up something rancid, but there are some positives. For instance, I never have to worry about food spills anymore. By the time I come back to the room with a paper towel, she’s already cleaned up my mess. Another positive, when Allison and I need a break from the beast, a rawhide or a Kong full of frozen peanut butter keeps her occupied for hours.
Shoplifter(Winona Ryder more so than Lindsay Lohan)
Evidently my feet smell delicious. Quite possibly Happy’s biggest fetish is secretly snatching my socks for her sniffing delight. In attempts to hide the evidence, she will cleverly disguise my socks as one of her toys in her bed. That’s gross, dog. You need rehab.
Mike Tyson (1997 Mike, not 2007)
Our four-legged champ likes to nibble. Luckily she isn’t too aggressive, but if she gets a hold of your finger or toe just right, you will scream a few octaves higher than Prince crying like a dove.
Happy feels the need to perform for her food. It starts with her circling me like a shark. Then, she will lead me to the kitchen immediately followed by 3-4 jump spins to show her elation.
Also supporting my gymnast theory, Happy is always working on her flexibility (Exhibit A, Exhibit B), and she has recently learned to leap into my arms when I get home from work. Gold medal goes to Haps.
Extra Credit: If Happy were another animal…
Happy would do anything for a carrot.
Me: “Happy, sit.”
Happy: [blank stare]
Happy: [quickly sits]
…And on that note, Happy Easter!
If your dog/pet were a human, who would it be? Which of the above is your favorite “human Happy?” Are you taking part in any exciting Easter plans?